What is love?
by Musings1988
Summary: She thought she knew what love was, and was trapped in a loveless relationship. He thought it a useless emotion.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the world. That all belongs to J.K. Rowling**

**Prologue**

_Love._

_What is love? Love is nothing but a worthless emotion that weaklings seem to feel for another person. _

_Love is useless. Love is nothing but dirt._

_But then why do people, muggles and magical folk alike, feel it. Why am I different?_

_I feel emotions. But love is a blank sheet of paper. I don't understand it. Maybe thats why I find it worthless. Watching my mother love my father, despite him cheating on her. Abusing her. And just plain and simply hurting her. I hate it. _

_But then again I can't even say that I love my mother. I feel a connection with her, and even adore her. But I don't love her. I wish that I could, but I can't._

_But that isn't the point of love. No, I can't say that it is. I watch, no more like observe the people of this world, and the muggle world everyday. Watch as they pour there useless hearts out to the ones they love. Some getting hurt (which I laugh at those people. Cause really it is quite hilarious). Others groping and snogging each other (one that I have to have displayed to me everyday! By none other then the head girl and Weaslbee). _

_But I seem to have this thing called, oh whats the word for it...Empathy. Yes thats it. I feel others emotions (How I got that stupid ability, I have no clue.) So it seems that everytime I feel the girl and him fucking, he is in pure ecstasy. Yet she feels nothing. She feels incomplete. _

_She says she loves,probably thinks it too. But she doesn't love him. She adores him. It's funny. He gets something. Her none. Ha!_

_Now your probably wondering why I have so much to say on this particular head girl. Well I will tell you why...well she...umm. Wait I can't. Stupid me. But I guess the reason is she intrigues me. She says she loves, yet she doesn't. We are one in alike. Both liars when it comes to the heart._

_I think that I will have fun with her. Maybe are incompleteness will complete each other._

_Not bloody likely._

He closed his journal. Leaned back into his chair, smiling at his musings. He would have fun this year. He was pretty damn sure of it. Now his only thing to do was make sure the little firey bookworm did too.

That is with him of course.


	2. Frustrating

Hermione walked to the bathroom. She looked toward the other door, and noticed that there was no light coming out from underneath it. She walked over to the sink. She slowly turned on the taps of water and cupped her hands. She watched as the water filled her cupped hands, then splashed the water on her face. She dried her face, and gave the sigh that was waiting to come out. It was then she looked up into the mirror.

She had avoided the mirror all night. She didn't know why she didn't allow herself the luxury of the simple task of looking in a mirror. But she refused to look in the mirror everytime she knew that she would have sex with Ron. She had no clue why.

No she did.

She was disgusted with herself. She was using Ron for sex. Using the body to relieve some of the sexual tension that refused to come out of her. But he wasn't good enough. He never was. Sure he was intentive, and gentle. But it didn't do anything for her.

It never did.

She looked at herself good in the mirror. Her hair was still a deep brown colour. And still as unruly as ever, a bush. She looked down at her pert nose, and her full red lips. The skin that she was so used too was peaches and cream, with freckles brushed lightly across her nose. Her eyes traveled lower, and came to her breasts. They were a good size, a little to big for Ron's hands, which he loved. But they weren't big by any standards. She was fine with that. Her body was lean, and held that little bit of baby fat. But her tummy lead to wide hips, child bearing hips as Molly likes to point out to her everytime she sees her.

Her legs were long and shapely, the best part of her body she thought. But she was still on the short side of things. But she stood proudly at 5"5. Nobody seemed to underestimate her size, cause of the powerful temper that she could have.

She then brought herself to stare at her eyes. The window to the soul. Her eyes glowed with their honey colour, but she was shamed. Disgusted. She lied every single day with these eyes. She wasn't a liar, but she did lie about her feelings, and that in every sense made her a liar. And she hated it with a passion.

She turned her body from the mirror, and leaned against the counter. What was she going to do? She loved Ron. Didn't she? They were meant for each other. Meant to be with each other, like Harry and Ginny were meant for each other. Wasn't that how it was suppose to be? She didn't know anymore. She loved Ron, she knew that. But in whats sense, she didn't know. Was it romantically, or friendship? Or even brotherly?

She shuddered at the last thought. Brotherly? No it definitely wasn't brotherly. That was out of the question. She shrugged her shoulders, and walked over to the shower. She twisted the dial, and watched as the water came pouring out of the nossle over head.

Once in the shower, she stood there letting the water pour over face and down her body. Washing away the remains of a passionless night of sex. She thought about how Ron left when he was done, saying that he had to be back in his room tonight. She hoped he was cheating on her. She wanted out of the passionless pairing.

How could she stay with him, when she didn't even know that she loved him? She didn't want to hurt him. But they were going to have to break up sooner or later.

She ran a hand down the front of her body, coming to where legs came together. She let a finger explore the folds of her sex, and slowly slipped a finger in. She let her head fall back and gave a quiet moan. Why was this always better then the actually sex?

She started to move her finger in the rhythmic way a cock would move inside her. She let her thumb start to play with the now swollen clit. She lightly brushed her thumb over it, barely a whisper of a touch. Her breathes started to come in short, ragged breathes.

Gods this was always so much better then the actually sex.

She added another finger, and went a little faster. She then pinched her clit, and gave a small scream. She felt the juices of her sex come running down her hand, and legs. She gave a small smile of satisfaction. IT was always better then the sex.

She let the water slide down her body, washing the remains of her orgasm. She then washed her body, and hair. Letting the faint smell of orchids hang in the air. She turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower. She didn't bother with a towel. She never did. She may seem a little like a prude, and a shy one at that. But in the safety and comfort of her room, she always walked around in the nude (most of the time only in her briefs and bra). She was comfortable knowing that no one could come in and find out her little secret.

Today she was wrong.

* * *

Draco wasn't asleep as the witch in the bathroom thought he was. No, he was wide awake. Why was he awake you ask. Cause he had felt the orgasm that the head girl had just experience.

So he laid awake, feeling the emotions that went through the girls mind. It was royally pissing him off. Why did she have to do it tonight? Why couldn't she just do it in her room, where it wouldn't have been that intense? God he hated her. He hated her for her orgasm, and hated her for making him so hard, that he had to wank himself off, while she was doing the same only a few minutes earlier.

He got up and walked over to where his door connected to the bathroom. He put a ear to the door, listening to what she was doing. He heard the tap turn on briefly, before turning off again. Good, she's brushing her teeth. He left his appearance in the same manner in went to bed in. Just his boxers. He wasn't going to change for any girl (well except his mother. Deathly terrified of her).

He opened the door and walked in. He paused. Good god! She was naked. How could she be naked? Wasn't a towel suppose to go around ones body after a bath/shower? He saw her eyes go to him, and take him in. She did even bother to cover up.

"Like what you see Malfoy?" Her voice broke through his thoughts.

He looked up at her. His eyes filled with the lust that he thought that he could never feel. "Your naked!"

She giggled. "I know."

He shook himself out of his stupor. He made his eyes look at her face. But oh boy it was hard not to look anywhere else. He looked at her face, and felt the emotions that were coming out of her. She was embarrassed. He smirked at that. So despite that air that she was putting around herself, she was embarrassed, and turned on. God, this woman was going to be the death of him by the end of the year. With her fickle emotions all over the place.

"Well glad to know that you are. Would be weird if you thought that you weren't at all naked." He paused and gave her another once over. He smirked again. "Not bad I must say. Though nobody would know you have that body underneath their. Well Weasley would."

She snorted.

"Was that a snort I heard? Very unlady like Granger." He watched her face turn slightly pink.

"Well he doesn't necessarily know what..." She stopped. "Oh why am I telling you this. It's none of your business!" She turned around, showing him her bare cladded bottom.

Malfoy gave a mental groan. She was doing it on purpose. And it was working. He felt her satisfaction of having the last word. He moved forward, pushing against the her door. Closing it so that she was in between him and the door.

* * *

Hermione was so embarrassed. Why didn't she just grab a towel, and wrap it around herself? what was wrong with her? She normally would have done it. But this time she didn't. She stood perfectly bare, and let Malfoy look at her. She was so embrassed.

Now to top off things, she was standing with her back to him, and between the door. How was she possibly going to get out of this mess.

Ron was going to get so mad at her when he found out. No excuse was going to get her out of the mess. But maybe she should let it happen. Maybe he will break up with her, and then she will be out of the romantic love that was fooling them both.

But she was still nervous. She felt his hand brush her hair aside, and a finger trace down her neck. She shivered at the light touch. Who wouldn't? But his touch didn't repulse her, unlike Ron's. Why didn't it? It should be like that. Ron's was suppose to excite her like this, not Malfoy's.

"Your thinking too hard." His breath whispered into her ear. Tickling the area with his soft husky voice. "You shouldn't think this hard."

"I can think all I want Malfoy." She shuddered with pleasure as his had traveled her back to the dip that was so sensitive.

"Sure you could." He dropped his voice lower. "But when I touch you, you aren't allowed to think."

"Well maybe your not as good as other people thought."

Hermione felt herself being turned and pushed against the back of the door. Then his body being pressed against her, she felt herself become more aroused. She wasn't suppose to be this way with him. She looked up into his stormy grey eyes. Looking at the lust the reflected but through them.

"Hit a nerve?" She smirked up at him.

"No." He smirked and lower his head so that she could feel his breath on her lips. "I think that I am very experienced when it comes to pleasuring a woman. Unlike your Weaslbee."

"How do you know if he can please or not?"

She watched as he laughed. "I know that doesn't know." He dropped his voice again. "I can feel your dissatisfaction. Every single time he fucks you, I feel the need that he isn't giving you. I feel the doubt of the love you feel for him."

"Malfoy you couldn't possibly understand feelings."

"I feel everytime you finger yourself, and when you come you feel the satisfying need had been fulfilled."

Her eyes opened in shock. How could he know that? Nobody could possible know that. She felt her cheeks start to tint pink. "So what am I feeling now?"

She watched as he backed off of her, automatically missing the feeling of his skin against hers. She watched as he walked to the door, anger filling her being. What was wrong with her. She knew he wanted her. So why didn't he take her? Wasn't she good enough?!?

"Right now you felt, in order, regret of missing my delectable body. Anger for me leaving you, while may I add, perfectly naked. Yes I feel this need for you. But while you are with Weasle, I won't even think of doing anything sexual with you." He turned around, and was about to open the door, but she saw him pause. "So while you are with him, I won't do anything."

She watched him walk into his room. Once he was in his room, and the door closed behind him, she let out a frustrated scream.

* * *

Draco smiled to himself. It couldn't have worked out any perfectly then it did. While he now regretted saying the last part. But he wouldn't let it bug him. No he wouldn't.

So he crawled back into his bed, smirked when he heard her bedroom door slam.

They were both in for a very long night. For him it was about a girl with peaches and cream skin. With skin as soft and silky as silk.

Yes, he was in for a long night.


	3. Observing

The next morning wasn't any better for Draco. He woke up with a wicked headache, and the only person he could remotely blame was Granger.

It was a night full of all kinds of emotions, and Draco for one hated them. It was at these times when he was asleep that the emotions of the people that were on the one side of the castle came to reek havoc on him. The other part was because of a certain witch in the next room.

He meant what he said when he wouldn't do anything with her in the physical sense as long as she was with Weaselbee. Oh he would play around with her mind and maybe have a little bit of fun with her. But it was something that he firmly believed in. Monogamy. He had seen what happened first hand when someone was in an affair. he had lived with it every year of his life until the day that his father died.

His mother was someone that believed that when you where with someone, married and/or loved them, you stayed with that one person until the day you died. But his father thought otherwise. Oh he believed that his father did in a sense love his mother, but not enough to stay only in her bed.

And because of that it only hardened Draco to beliefs. That when someone or him was in a relationship and either one found someone else they broke it off immediately. He would or she would come back but at that time it was only one person.

Draco smiled at that thought. They always came back because of that. The other guy was the loser, and him the winner. Cause really what women in their right mind would not love to be able to go back to a guy when they can so easily leave him. That was of course if they didn't have feelings.

So Draco got up and quickly got dressed. Making sure that he was dressed for the long trek to the dungeons. He quickly tied his runners, and set out the portrait door. As he walked through the castle, he paused to think that the snow hopefully would be coming. He thought about in the next week it would be christmas, and how he would go home.

Home.

Home was another thing that made most people fill with warmth, and security. Home was a place where families should be happy, and loving to each other. Home was just another place to Draco that he wish he could live without.

It was another dead place, full of horrible emotions. It was another place where he got consistent headaches, and fevers. All the gloominess, and coldness never failed to make Draco wish for the comforts of the castle.

Draco scoffed at the last thought. How come it felt like he was the only one that felt like the castle was his home, more then the actually house he lived in? It was something that never failed to make Draco think about.

He finally reached the great hall, without incident and immediately went into the dining area. He looked around and saw that their were a few people at each table. And didn't fail to notice that Ron was sitting at the table.

"Odd." He mumbled quietly.

Draco couldn't help but notice the weaselbee sitting, and might he add quite early, at the Gryffindor table. He wasn't flanked by Potter or the She-Weasel. No he was sitting with another seventh year, having a heated discussion. Draco believed that the other boys name was Dean Thomas. But he couldn't be quite sure about that. He would have to ask Granger about that one.

But the two boys emotions were what made Draco pay a little more attention to them. He smirked as he sat down at the Slytherin, hardly failing to notice that no one in his year was their, and decided to 'listen' in on their conversations.

"Dear god Ron. I can't lying to your sister."

"I know. But it's for a little bit longer, please just trust me on this." Ron pleaded to Dean.

"I don't know." Dean mumbled. "What about Hermione?"

"What about her? She doesn't need to know about it."

Dean glared at Ron. "Oh so on top of all the lies and secrets you decided, without consulting me, that Hermione doesn't need to know? Why is that Ron?"

"Cause she doesn't!" Draco watched as Ron's face got a little flush.

"Really? Cause I think she does." Dean gave a maniacal laugh. "Besides she could be fucking with Malfoy by now."

Ron whipped his head back to Dean. "Hermione isn't like that. She wouldn't cheat on me. She doesn't have the guts to do it."

Draco watched as Potter entered the hallway with the she-weasel right beside her.

"Were finished." Ron demanded. "For now."

"Well fuck you too." Dean stood up and quickly walked away, walking right past the she-weasel.

Draco grinned as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. Mentally thinking that the two boys had really no reason to feel guilty, but at the same time there was a weird and strange emotion that Draco briefly picked up on. Lust. He shrugged it off. He then rested back against the wall, got a piece of toast and watched the scene in front of him.

*****

Hermione shoved the pillow beside her over top of her head. Partly grateful that she didn't have a class until the afternoon. She sighed and rolled over. Of course that class had to be with Malfoy in it.

Hermione wished then that she had been able to get a **good** nights sleep. But then again the little episode in the bathroom hadn't helped her out one bit. She had spent most of the night tossing and turning. Couldn't help but relish in the fact that Malfoy had wanted her. Also couldn't help the small smile that graced her lips now. That Malfoy was partly a gentleman. Cause really, Hermione thought, what man now a days would frown upon adultery?

So Hermione got out of bed, and went to the closet to get the uniform that she had gotten use to over the past seven years. She brought it to her bed and laid out neatly. She then went to the dresser and pulled out the underclothes. She blush slightly at another dirty secret that she liked to indulge herself in. Though her roommates the years before would have disagreed, she did. It wasn't that she was a prude or anything. No it was mostly she didn't have a man that fully appreciated what she wore underneath.

After sighing to herself she pulled out lacy black low cut briefs and the matching push up bra. She put them on and then walked over to her uniform. After putting on the skirt and leaving the top still undone she grabbed the knee high socks. She rolled them up to her knees, and smoothed down the rest of the sock.

Hermione then decided that today she was going to be a little bit more bold with Ron. Hoping that he would pick up on her attire. She buttoned up, leaving the top two open. Just enough that she wouldn't be showing everybody her goods but enough that Ron would hopefully get the hint.

She exited the room, made her way out of the portrait hole. As she walked down the corridor, she took sight of everything around her. Thinking that she was going to miss the castle after this year. It brought on a little homesickness, but she shrugged it off. She would be back. Eventually.

When she got into the dining area, she paused. What she heard and saw were something that maybe she wished that she stayed in bed for. Mentally kicking herself that she had to finish a three week long assignment early.

She glanced around and noticed Malfoy sitting in her usual spot. Grinning like a mad man. She couldn't help but wonder if he was the one that started the whole thing.

She walked over to where Ron, Ginny, and Harry were. "Good Morning."

"And what's so bloody good about it?" Ron exclaimed as he grabbed his bag and walked out of the great hall.

Hermione stared after him and decided to let him cool off for a bit. "What is wrong with him?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders." No clue, but he was like this before Ginny and I got here. I think that him and Dean got into a argument of some sort."

"Is that true Ginny?"

Ginny looked up from her plate, Hermione's attention then switched to Ginny's swollen and red eyes.

"Oh honey!" Hermione exclaimed as she sat down beside the distraught girl. "What happened?"

"I don't really know. One minute Dean is storming out of here, and the next Ron is accusing me. Like it was my fault that Dean went storming out of here."

Hermione glanced at Harry. "Is this true Harry?"

Harry nodded. "Pretty much. He just started telling Ginny off, and started to treat her little she was the dirt beneath his shoes."

"Well I never!"

Ginny looked up. "Oh please don't Hermione. Please don't go off on mine. Lately it seems that he is stressed."

"Ya. Like every time he comes back after being with you, i don't know, it's like you guys got into a argument about something. But then the next day you come in all happy, and we immediately know that it wasn't the case." Harry paused for a minute. "Is everything okay between you guys?"

"Last time I checked."

Ginny gave a small smile. "Well then something must be wrong with Ron. I just don't know what, and he seems to like to get Dean involved in it."

Hermione only nodded her head. She also stole a quick glance across the room and noticed Malfoy smirking. She whipped her gaze back to Ginny. "I'll wait then go talk to him, okay Gin?"

Ginny nodded, and got up. "I would appreciate it Hermione. I really would. I got to get to class. I'll see you at dinner." She then looked at Harry and gave him a small smile before walking away.

"And how long as that been going on for, Mr. Potter?"

Harry blushed. "I have no clue what your talking about."

Hermione laughed. "Oh please. 'Well Ginny and I talked..Ginny and I were thinking...Ginny and I.' Shall I continue on?"

"Fine. It started when Dean and her would get into constant fights. Mostly Ginny would come to me, cause you were in the head rooms. But then I guess she decided that it would just be easier on her. Then..oh I don't know Hermione. I guess I stopped seeing her as a sister and more as a..well...woman."

Hermione placed her hand on Harry's shoulder. "Well by the looks of it Dean and her won't be anymore."

"Ya." Harry smiled. "What about you and Ron?"

"What do you mean? Ron and I are still together."

"How long are you going to be pretending that you are attracted to him?"

"How about when cows fly?" Hermione said innocently. "Besides I love Ron."

"Hermione..."

Hermione cut him off. "No Harry I really do." She looked across the room again and caught Malfoy's attention. "I really do love Ron."

Hermione watched as Malfoy mouthed something to her. Her cheeks brighten when she caught what he said. '_Liar' _

"Your a terrible liar Mione. A terrible liar." Harry laughed.

"Like I said Harry. When cows fly." Hermione then gave a light kiss on top of Harry's head and headed out of the hall.

She couldn't help but feel the pair of grey eyes that followed her all the way out.

* * *

**Well I hope that you like my work. Hopefully I will be able to write more. Review are great, and if you choose not too, that is fine too. Sorry about the lack of Draco/Hermione. Maybe in the next two chapters ;)**


	4. Diary Entry 2

_Well the past week nothing happened without cause diary. I would have to say that it has been quite boring. I wish that I had more excitement to write in you about. But to say the least there isn't._

_The only thing that remotely has happened is what happened in the hall that day a week ago. the feelings that came from each person that I was observing. Let me tell you with a list._

_Weasel- Despite him being with Granger, I feel that he is cheating on her, now as strange and weird as this is going to sound I am going to have to say it is with that Thomas guy. (I found out his name in Charms class. Who would have thought that he was in the same grade as me?). But see that isn't even the funny thing. The funny thing is that Weaselbee hates being a fag. Now this is a strong accusation and one I hope I can tell everyone. But I will let that secret come out on its own. _

_Next Potter- Despite him beating the dark lord, I still can't have any respect from him. Yes diary thats right, and I'm sure that if you were a living and breathing thing you would laugh at me for this, but he hurt my feelings. He hurt my feelings first year when he publicly snubbed me. Nobody snubs Draco Malfoy, and yet the bastard did. But the emotions coming from that one for the she-weasel. Well it could make even my father cry. Dear lord love, hate, despair, friendship and warmth. Dear lord if I thought anybody was the gay, I could swear he was the one. But he is VERY much in love with the she-weasel. _

_She-Weasel- You know I think I will call her Weasley. Much shorter to write. But anyways, she may be with the Thomas fellow, but don't love him. Let me tell you! She is just using him to get to Potter! How hilarious is that? They both love each other, yet they are too dumb witted to TRY to get with each other. HA! _

_Granger- .........I wish that I could write to you about her. But I have to figure things out about her. I for one can't even say I hate her anymore. I am attracted to her, yet like I told her before I refuse to do anything with her as long as she is with that fag. I just feel....Wait, Diary I thought of something. When she finds out about Weaselbee....Then...oh yes perfect. Sorry, I got to go._

_I will write in you more to tell you. Until then Diary._

Draco closed the diary with a loud thud and grinned to himself. Thinking of a plan that he hoped will work more in his favor then anything else.


End file.
